Sam-isms

For years my mom and I have threatened to collect all of my dad's favorite expressions and compile them into a notebook so that future generations would have some inkling as to the kind of intellectual stock they are derived from. I have been exposed to such country-fried classics as "shit and two is eight and fart's a fraction" for as long as I can remember. Hard to believe, but this phrase actually means something to my father, who apparently has some kind of redneck guidebook to determine its appropriate usage though I have never been able to locate that book and, therefore, have not quite managed to deduce when it can be thrown out there and when not. Others like "it's raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock" have been easier to resolve. I thought, as the saying goes, I had heard it all.

Not so. Yesterday, while discussing the busy-ness that is momdom with another lady, she said of her recent move to the area from Katrina-ravaged Louisiana, "Yes, we're still trying to find our behind with both hands." In Sam-speak, one would need to substitute "ass" for the more demure choice "behind," but in doing so my dad would have found this lady completely adoptable. I shall be sticking that one in my back pocket.